Okay so i don’t know how many people this will reach but it’s essential I put this out there.
An important message, our struggles are the same, we are not alone, help is never to far away and, don’t let anyone make you feel less than you are if you’re struggling.
I am a first time mum, I’d say new but 6 months in I can’t really say I’m new mum anymore. After my little angel was born, i went through the many stages of emotion we all do.
Euphoria, love and the eventual baby blues.
I think a lot of baby blues stems from that initial lack of sleep, if you have a partner sometimes you can split the load but they don’t always understand that through the night you wake up to every sound they make, every sigh, every sneeze, every movement.
And probably feel like you’re doing everything on your own. If you’re unlucky enough like me, when the paternity leaves over your husband goes back to work on a nightshift, and then you really feel like a single parent, alone all day and then climbing into bed on your own on a night, i know it certainly didn’t help my case of baby blues.
And I’m not going to be a….insert insult of your choice….and say, you ladies with men who don’t work a night shift have no idea how lucky you are and shouldn’t complain or be as tired or down in the dumps as me, because that’s crap.
My husband can be pretty helpful, you could have the most helpful husband ever when it comes to the baby, but your frustration can just shift to something else. In my case it’s the housework, i have piles if clean unfolded washing waiting for my attention, my husband can’t wipe down a kitchen countertop, or put a new bag in the bin after he’s taken the rubbish out, he leaves cups and glasses all over the house. Now it drives me insane, it is his fault but it shouldn’t bother me as much asvit should.
This is apparently sign if depression.
Now, I love my LO, he’s the light of my life and just looking at him just gives me the warm and fuzzy feeling we’re all supposed to feel constantly, but we don’t. We get frustrated, we get annoyed, we get sad. I think the biggest stigma to mother hood is that if you feel a little low, if every now and then you give yourself a little mental confirmation that they’re worth it, you’re a very bad person.
Mums are allowed to feel bad. You are.
I’ve realised that most of our basis for what parenthood is like is TV/film. And they don’t represent correctly. Full time Mums are usually seen as the comic relife, oh look at that full time mum she looks like crap and says repeatedly to never have children because it’s hell, then there are what I like to call, wind up Mums, so shelfed and by the book, the stereotypical won’t discipline my kids so they don’t listen to me and i act like it’s okay but the tension i have in my forehead gives me migraine, but ha ha ha aren’t kids such a gift. These women are comical and people laugh at them because how ridiculous but those are our representation. If i go into all the sub categories I’ll be here all day.
But the main one i take issue with is ‘stepford mum’. The perfect Mother, after giving birth there’s only a fair mist of sweat on her brow and her hair is still perfect, she has no remains of the baby bump immediately after birth, she doesn’t spend time in front of the mirror before a rushed shower for weeks after examining stretch marks. Nope, she breastfeeds but you never see it and it never interferes with coffee with her friends, the house is always spotless and she looks perfect every second of everyday.
And ‘stepford mum’ doesn’t exist, not in the common woman, she exists in the space of Nannies and house keepers, in a lot of money. If this is you, well done, because i wish i had that. Time.
But sadly no, i am, piles of laundry, sweatpants are my day wear, i tie my hair up but i rarely see the point when my son just pulls it out and coffee with my friends fits into his schedule, between feeds and naps and dirty nappies.
Because that is the common woman.
And it’s okay, it’s okay to be sad, it’s okay to have a messy house and to not look fantastic.
Help is never too far away, you are not alone, we’re in it together ladies.