Let’s talk about sex, baby

After giving birth many women are pretty fragile. The results of labour are pretty traumatic to the body and nobody tells you about the immediate after affects. Like after all the pushing and crying and cuddling, when you start getting the feeling back in your legs and you go to the bathroom nobody tells you that you could still be heavily bleeding down there. Which i discovered horrifically, the private bathroom looked like a set for texas chainsaw massacre. They also don’t tell you the damages down there, the effects of them or a way to deal with them.

If your midwife did, please pass around her number.

You could be fine or you could be torn, or like me, you could be grazed.

Apparently grazed is worse than torn, because if you’re torn they can stitch the exposed  nerves back together, if you’re grazed it’s just open, like when you graze your knee or elbow, it’s a shallow open wound. And nothing makes you feel more unsexy than every time you need to pee having to completely undress your bottom half and get in the bath or shower to pee, or the having to lean totally forward with your hands on the floor sat on the toilet.

For the most part sex is off the table but with all the hormones raging around inside of you, we can pretty frustrated and impatient. Sex was probably off the table near the end of pregnancy anyway, i know that the closer i got to my due date the more incapable i was to reaching climax, which is just your body reacting to pregnancy, you’re already pregnant why would you need sex? Or you could just feel too big for sex. Either way, it’s been a while. I was comfortable enough for sex about a month after birth, i know they tell you to wait at least 2 but every woman is different in their ability to recover.

First time me and my husband had sex it was a little weird, like having sex for the first time again. I had a fear of the experience being similar to throwing a sausage down an ally way, i hadn’t exactly been vigilant in my pelvic floor exercises, i had enough going on than to remember to tense ‘down there’ and count to 10. But it was good, maybe a little bit like losing my virginity again, but with someone who already knew exactly what they were doing.

I think my main issue with the after baby sex was my stomach, I’ve never been a skinny woman but my belly sat differently, hung lower, felt squishier. I have wide hips so i looked bigger than i actually am, but i was proud of my shape, though chubby i had a lot of muscle. Now I’m….flabby, and that really kicks down your confidence. I became paranoid my husband no longer found me attractive, that the reasons we weren’t having sex was me. Well it was me, but it was me getting into a onsie before bed instead of my regular nighties.

After a couple of months i felt a disconnect in our relationship and one night in bed i broke down i tears and told him i felt ugly and grotesque.

My husband told me to stop being silly, how could he think of me that way when my body was used to produce our beautiful son. My belief that he didn’t want me anymore was in my head.

Now the only reason we don’t have sex very often is the because we’re tired. Not the made up reasons i came up with because of my posts baby body.


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